So, on the recent (October 2008) UK Tour, Sarah, our lovely merch girl, set up some post-boxes. One was for band mames. The other was a box for anyone and everyone to drop off their secrets with us. Anonymity was assured, and has been preserved here by us mixing them up geographically and removing any and all names. This lot certainly kept us amused on long van rides around the country. Enjoy. I like cheese but it makes me fart RM once pissed on the reputed site of Jesus Christ's burial I'm in love with Chris T-T - I know he's married but I'll seduce him. Barbs touches kids I wear a johnny in the shower I'm not wearing any panties I love my best mate I love Ben Lloyd I farted directly in a stranger's face tonight by accident I pissed on D's clothes and then dried them out and let him got to work in them the next day. He definitely deserved it. Joe smells of copydex down there! I am actually Liono from Thundercats I have both genitalia Frank eats meat My Latvian boyfriend loves your smile I want to steal this sharpie (but I won't) I love Pi the number Sometimes when I want something really badly I pull my eyelashes out so I can wish on them For whatever reason (shitfaced drunk) I go home with a boy. I don't fancy said boy, but he likes me and I'm shitfaced drunk. We get in, We get our clothes off. We get on it. He gets nervous. Repeat x several. So in the morning I wake up, think "Fuck, how do I get out?" He wakes up. Shit. Best try again. Again with the nervous. Just then in runs the cutest Jack Russell ever. Jumps in the bed, licks my naked tit. It's wearing a fucking bandanna. Finally I have my excuse. I eat my own boogies and I like it About 2 weeks ago, S got really drunk, took some bird home and went down on her, turns out it was her time of the month. I'm not sure what's more disturbing - that she let him do it in the first place or that when he told us about it he was pleased about it. I went to a mate's party and crashed there. I woke up to the sound of her making love with a guy she'd just met. He was her third that night. Tarrant has webbed toes Sometimes I'm worried about where I'm going When my flatmate pisses me off I use his razor to shave my foo-foo I'm getting better because I'm in love My homophobic friend left his gay porn harddrive connected and I saw it. He still doesn't know A girl I used to know pissed on my work clothes. Little does she know I was fucking her best mate at the same time as her I want to rape FT even though I am a male and rape is illegal S told me that when I'm in the shower he wears my thongs For my drama degree I probed myself with a dido live onstage in front of 80 students. I got a first. I'm a boy. I'm circumcised but too scared to tell my friends I sleep with a fork under my pillow in case someone breaks in Lesbians love me - but I'm not a lesbian : ( My boyfriend asked me to stick my finger up his bum I once pissed in my sock drawer I lost my driving license to Father's Day "Photosynthesis" was the deciding factor in my taking voluntary redundancy to do something I love! I fancy the girl on the merch Scared to tell my GF I love her I steal toast I frigged myself with a hammer I really wanted my best friend to fail her driving test, unfortunately she passed Take one drumstick from Rat Scabies (the Damned), 1980 Black Album tour. 2 years later, very drunk, one girlfriend and my bottom! Punk 4 life. I don't wash as often as I should One member of Frank's band got me pregnant I have webbed toes and I love it Anf the best one by miles... I fart silently behind chavs who deserve a bit of natural justice