somewhere inbetween

Somewhere Inbetween

Undefeated - 4:47
I’ve been pretending to be somebody else since I was just fifteen,
And I don’t know if the show was for them or for me,
Any more, I’m not sure, and I don’t recall being born
But I remember being underwhelmed when I worked out who I was,
Because that didn’t fit with any of
The feelings I’d been feeling, the things I started thinking as a kid
Who didn’t know how to feel, but could instinctively pretend,
Put on a show. Was it for them ? I have forgotten where this ends.

I have been waiting for someone to say they’ve found out I’m a fake,
A foundling fraudster on the take, a huckster hustling half his name
Around the world, and I’d reply, goodness knows you’re right.
I know that guy, that is to say, I do not know that man at all;
After all, no one can, there’s nothing there to know,
It’s just a show, oh the lights are on but nobody is home.
They kicked me out years ago, changed the locks and took my keys,
My memories seen through a window, like something I don’t really own.

Blinking in the light, emerging into something.
Something isn’t right, something isn’t working.
No one on my side, no sense of where I’m standing.
Half my fucking life caught somewhere in between.

Is it so much to ask? To be offered some protection,
To be let go by the past, to feel some acceptance,
To find somewhere to belong, and something to belong to,
A place where I’m allowed. Anywhere but in between.

Half my fucking life blinking in the darkness,
Stuck on the outside, sick and mostly harmless,
A stranger to myself, but still chasing their forgiveness
For anything I did when I was somewhere in between.

Leave a Reply